Prius Battery, Woodcutter Joke, Dirty Joke

[TOYOTECH2015]

   

Woodcutter joke  


One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When  he cried out, the Lord

appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has dropped into the water.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.

"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe.

"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.  Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe.

"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.  The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went

home happily.

One day while he was walking with his wife along the riverbank, the woodcutter's wife fell into the river. When he cried out,

the Lord  again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with  Jennifer Lopez.

"Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.  "Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You cheat! That is untrue!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I say 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, You will

come up with Catherine Zeta Jones. Then if I also say 'no' to her, you will

thirdly come up with my wife. And then I will say 'yes,'  and all three will be given to me. But Lord, I am a poor man and I will

not be able to take care of all three wives, so *that's* why I said yes this time."

The moral of the story is whenever a man lies it is for an honourable and useful reason !!

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 curious old man  


A curious old man joins a nudist club.

He registers at the club office, undressed and starts walking around the area.

after a short while, a gorgeous petite blonde strolls by, and the man immediately gets a erection.

the woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?"

The man replies, "No, what do you mean?"

She says, "You must be new here, Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get a erection, it implies
that you called for me."

Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her
and happily lets him have his way with her.

After this unexpected but amazing experience, the man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He
enters the sauna and, as he sits down, he unintentionally lets loose a fart.

Within minutes, a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam-room toward him, "Did you call for me?" grunts
the hairy man.

"No, what do you mean?" says the newcomer.

"You must be new" says the hairy man, "it's a rule here that if you fart, it implies that you called for
me." The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the club office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist.

"May I help you, Sir?" she asks.

"Lady, I think this place might not be for me. For God's sake, I'm 65 years old. I only get an erection

once a month, but I fart 35 times a day!"  



Pregnant woman gets shot but survives  


A woman is pregnant with triplets. But she never expected this to happen!

One day she goes into a bank just as it's being held up. The robbery goes  wrong and she gets shot 3 times in the stomach, but luckily she lives.

She gets rushed to the hospital, where she sees a doctor who tells her that her children will be all right, and that one day the bullets will simply come out.

15 years later, one of her triplets, a girl, runs out of the bathroom and says

"MOM, MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!"

So the mother tells her the story of what happened 15 years ago.

The next day, the second daughter comes out and says the same thing,

"MOM, MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!"

Once again, the mother tells the story of what happened 15 years ago.

On the third day the son comes running down the stairs, "MOM, MOM!"

She smiles and asks, "Let me guess, you were going to the bathroom and a bullet came out?"

The boy replies, "No, I was jerking off in my room and watching Mrs McGregor sunbathing topless in the neighbors backyard, and when she smiled at me,,,

I think I shot her!"